What God Taught Me Last 2014

I sit here typing early in the morning trying to find the right words to say to share these things deep with my heart. 2014 has been a rough year for me and I learned many things the hard way. Some of these took me months to realize, and some took me years to learn. I want to share these things to you so that you could avoid the mistakes I have made and be a source of encouragement to those who might need them.

1. There is no greater misery than losing God.

To me, 2014 was a year of grief. It was the year I understood my father’s murder and death. You see, I have never cried for him. It never bothered me when I talked to my friends about my father before. But now, it’s all different. Being very young, greatly influenced by movies, miraculous stories, and having never experienced a gunshot wound, I have always thought that my father was pathetic for dying easily. Until that fateful date of March, just a few days after my father’s death anniversary, I discovered the newspaper clippings detailing the murder of my father. That day was unbearable. Reading it felt like I was reading the latest news even though it was 18 years ago. I trembled and wept as I read the newspaper articles that also showed the picture of his fallen body. Everything finally became real to me. His death was no longer a light matter to me. His death was a murder, a cold-blooded murder. For the first time in my life, I wept for him. I became miserable for weeks because there’s no one I could blame. Everybody has already moved on from his death, and I had just began to understand. There was no point in holding on it and I eventually moved on.

2014 was the year my heart was consumed by the poison of unbelief. It started out small, then it seeps through your entire being. My faith was already weakening at the start of 2014. Every month came with a blow to me that gave room for unbelief to grow into me. I hated God and became bitter with God. Eventually, like a bitter ex-lover, I had denied His existence. I know that there is God and that He is God. But I was a mad woman and despite knowing these things I chose to deny His existence. I thought that I could go on living the way I was but I eventually became miserable. Everyday became a chore, nothing could make me happy. I was unhappy and empty and life became meaningless and pointless. Deep within my being wants Him and yearned for Him. Though I deny Him, I kept dreaming about having conversations with Him. The more I denied Him, the more miserable I became.

On the 3rd quarter of 2014, I realized that there is no greater misery than losing God. I didn’t want to go on living and being miserable. I had to go back to the Source of joy and happiness and here I am now regaining the things I lost in 2014. My goal this 2015 is to strengthen my faith on the Lord, rekindle my love for Him, and regain the Christ I lost.

2. Accept that things are not going to become better.

God has been teaching me this lesson for many years now and I have kept myself stubborn from learning. This lesson was the hardest for me to learn and was the reason for my miserable 2014. I have learned and understood for the past few years that things are never going to change but it was very difficult for me to accept that things are not going to become better. It was hard for me to accept that whenever there are problems, it’s never going to be easier than the last problem, but harder! I wanted to have the easy life but God will never give that to me. Life is never made that way. Life is made to become harder as it goes to make you learn to become stronger, smarter, wiser, and whole lot of -ers. If God made life easier, how can we learn to become better? How can we built up the church if we’re just dust, rubble, and twigs? I learned that these things don’t just happen to make my life more unbearable. These things happen for a purpose! He wants to become a better person to become a part of His minerals and precious stones for the building up of His church.

3 & 4. It’s OK to be not OK. It’s OK to cry. Crying is the art of letting go.

For years, I have raised myself like a man with phrases like “Suck it up”, “Don’t cry over spilled milk”, and “____ is not worth crying over” because I don’t want to be weak. I hate being weak and to me crying is a sign of weakness. God had pushed me to my boundaries and kept me struggling not to cry. Being strong and not crying is very tiring because I could not release my pains and frustrations. I kept my feelings bottled up. I remember one time my mom is crying to me and I told her, “Bakit ka umiiyak? Matanda ka na wag kang umiyak! (Why are you crying? You already a grown woman so stop crying!)” I then realized that because of my inability to cry, I had become bitter, cruel, and unsympathetic.

I remember a dear brother in our church told me (though I doubt he remembers it was him who told me), “It’s ok to cry. We’re weak and human.” Talking to him made me feel it’s ok to be not be strong and that it’s ok to be human. “It’s OK to be not OK” was a phrase a dear sister from our church taught me, “as long as we don’t from being not ok”, she would add. Because saying “I’m OK.” is lying to yourself and not giving yourself a chance to let go of the things you’re not ok with. Lastly, here’s my favorite reason why it’s ok to cry:

I know this is shocking but… 5. People need to get married.

I have always thought that I can live with myself and go on living relying on myself. Then, after all that happened last 2014, I realized that people need to get married so that they can share the problems, help each other, and bring each other up. Yes these are all achievable with friends and family but these people can’t always be with you and be there for you because they also have their only lives. Unlike them, your future husband or wife will be tied to you and will share the same life with you. Therefore both of you will have to help each other.

But that is just a realization and not my priority. I still love my independent life and will be keeping myself single for a while.

And that’s it! I hope you didn’t get too tired from reading. I hope I had encouraged some of you. 🙂

Please do share with me what 2014 has taught you.

Love Always,



[Estée Lauder] More than Mascara in Rich Black

I got this sample mascara from a gift set I got last last Christmas and I am in love with this mascara. It is still in the old packaging, since this was like from 2 years ago. Sorry for the crappy photos. I took the photos using my tablet to see how the pictures will be.

Estée Lauder More Than Mascara

Estée Lauder More than Mascara Moisture-Binding Formula:

Defines, conditions lashes and gives a more black impact.


  • Boosts lashes with in-depth moisture that binds to each one and keeps it silky.
  • Microscopic beads help prevent friction, so mascara glides on with ease for smooth, even coverage.
  • Ophthalmologist-tested
  • Fragrance-free
  • Suitable for contact lens wearers


  • Advanced pigment technology creates the blackest shades possible
  • Light is absorbed, reflections reduced, color is visibly intensified.

Ingredients: Purified water, carnauba, silica, stearic acid, polyisobutene, glyceryl, stearate, oleic acid, acrylates, copolymer, aminomethyl, propanediol, pvp/ polycarbamyl polyglycol ester, hydroxyethlcellulose, propylene glycol, trehalose, lauroyl lysine, panthenol, sodium hyaluronate, simethicone, imidazolidynl urea, methyparaben, propylparaben, butylparaben, (may contain: titanium oxide), mica, iron oxides, bismuth oxychloride, carmine, ultramrines, chromium oxide greens, chromium hydroxide green.

Made in U.S.A.

Estee Lauder More than Mascara Brush

What I like about the product:

  • Creates soft, full, natural looking lashes.
  • Lengthens
  • No clumping, no flaking, no smudging, no smearing, no stinging.
  • Dries up fast
  • Waterproof
  • It is able to reach the hard to reach lashes.


  • Contains parabens. Parabens is still arguable whether it really is bad for the skin or not. Some people might strictly not like it, while I am just neutral about it.

What I don’t like about the product:

  • I don’t think it’s available locally.
  • It only lengthens a little. My eyes are monolid and the effect isn’t seen very visible unlike other lengthening mascaras.
  • Doesn’t volumize.
  • Mascara dries up fast, so you have to use it up as soon as possible.

Verdict: This mascara is not for those who are looking to wanting dramatic lashes. This mascara is great for those who wants to keep their makeup on a minimal and great for making natural looks. I like to use this mascara on lazy days when I don’t feel like putting on too much but still looking good. One of my major monolid problems is that mascara tend to smudge my lids. What I especially like about this mascara is that it dries up fast. that it doesn’t smudge on my eyelids.

Would I repurchase? Yes but no. This costs around USD 22 and that’s too expensive for me, maybe when I am on a splurging mode.

To whom do I recommend this to? To anyone who wants to have a more natural looking lashes.

Like and follow Estee Lauder – Philippines on Facebook!




2013 in Retrospect: The Man I Love (1)

I am a crazy lover of Jesus.

I detested that phrase. I hated the idea of losing oneself because love. Honestly, I am a mind over heart person and I can force myself to end my feelings for a person if I found it irrational or inconvenient. I found it foolish and I couldn’t grasp the idea why people would do such a stupid thing. I could never understand why people would throw away their lives and their dreams just for the person they love. But before I knew and realized it for myself, I became a crazy lover of Jesus.

ManI came up with this phrase near the end of 2013, during the time I was deciding to go to the Full-Time Training in Malabon. I think about this phrase while I’m on my way to school/ work, on my way home, and whenever I can’t get to sleep. Ever since I came up with this phrase, I spent every idle time I had into finishing it into something. It wasn’t easy and had put a lot of effort into this. Back then, I don’t know what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it until a few nights ago. That night I had a very hard time sleeping, then I remembered reading somewhere that your creative juices are more effective late at night. So I thought about this phrase again and spent hours until early morning before I was able to finish it – what I think it is or a rough draft of it. I don’t know how you should call it but you decide.

Man2I realized that I became a crazy lover of Jesus when I wanted to go to the Full-Time Training in Malabon. For those of you who don’t know, Full-Time Training is:

A two year post-graduate program. Designed upon the four pillars of truth, life, gospel, and service, the FTTM recognizes that Christians need training to experience and enjoy the Lord’s riches in full. It develops one’s love and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by fellowshipping, praying, enjoying God’s word, and dealing with the things that do not meet the standard of God. This training provides a unique atmosphere for vital, functioning, and overcoming members of the Body of Christ for the fulfillment of God’s eternal purpose.

“Draw me; we will run after You”

My family and friends thought I was crazy when I told them I wanted to go to the Full-Time Training. They thought I will be wasting away my future and my time in the Full-Time Training. However, for me it’s a time worth giving. To me it was just only 2 years, 2 years of my whole 85 years (if I ever live that long) and why not offer it to the Lord? If you think about it, the 2 years in the training is incomparable to the life and love God, the Lord Jesus, did and gave to us.

However, it breaks my heart to say I wasn’t blessed to enter the Full-Time Training last year. I was mad at the Lord for not accepting my “love offering”. I was heartbroken and cried for months. But, not being able to not go to the Full-Time Training isn’t such a bad thing. I got to know myself more and understand the Lord more. I was able to experience the Lord and had hundreds and thousands of conversations with Him. I realized that as a lover of Christ, I should always ask whether what I’m doing is for my sake or for the Lord’s sake. We should realize that  everything is for the Lord’s sake. Nothing that the Lord does for us and does not do for us and whatever the Lord gives us and does not give to us should bother us.

The way the Lord leads isn’t the same for everyone. The secret is to have thousands of conversations with the Lord and you will know where the Lord is leading you. God is sovereign and he knows what is best for us. I believe that we all are called to joined the training but when, where, and how is up to Him and us to answer His call. Deep within me I still want to enter the Full-Time Training and the Lord knows and appreciates my desire to go. As to when I will go to the Full-Time Training, only God knows. I pray for all of you to be able to go and may you as well remember me in your prayers.




© Jacques Ong. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of my poem without express and written permission is strictly prohibited.

Over the Internet: Graduation Makeup Tutorial

March is the month for graduation here in the Philippines but because Holy Week started early this year, some were pushed back. I am counting down the days for my big day. This year, APRIL 3 IS THE DAY. I am very much excited to graduate yet I am nervous for unemployment as well.

To prep up my spirits for the big day, I looked for graduation makeup tutorials from local beauty gurus. Just to let you know, I am not really a YouTube watcher. I am more of a blog reader. I have not watched any of their earlier videos so most of them are of my first impressions.

Classic Graduation Party Makeup Tutorial by Chriselle Sy

I love Chriselle Sy (Cosmetic Fixation) and how in-depth her makeup tutorials are. I like the way details what kind of brush to use and where to apply it. I like that she tells what colors or shades to use without naming much brands, which I have noticed a lot of YouTube beauty gurus tend to do.

Classy Graduation Makeup Tutorial by anavictorin0

Ana Victorino’s tutorial is more simple than Chriselle’s but with the same in-depth quality. This is the first makeup tutorial I have watched from AV but I am a reader of her blog. Her sweet voice makes it a plus. For some reason her voice reminds me of Michelle Phan.

Graduation Day Makeup Look – saytiocoartillero by saytiocoartillero

Lindsay is a former classmate of mine back in elementary. I recently discovered her blog (Makeup by Say Tioco Artillero) last year and since then followed her because I love the idea that she patronizes local products in her blog and how she reaches out to make Tagalog tutorials in her YouTube channel. I also enjoy looking at her FOTD. She has made three different videos to reach out to her viewers: for high-end, for Tagalog speaking, and for budget.

Graduation Day Makeup Look (Tagalog Tutorial)

I prefer her makeup look here than the earlier video.

AFFORDABLE Graduation Makeup Look

I think she put in too much foundation in this video but her choices of products were interesting. I can’t wait to read her reviews on the products.

Fresh Graduation Look (Day Makeup) by COLORismyweapon

I recently discovered Noe Mae Villa-Gee (Color is My Weapon) while I was searching for YouTube videos on a graduation day makeup tutorial. I loved her video. With the way she talks in her video it made me feel I was in a makeup workshop or a makeup talk show.

For those who are into high-end makeup I recommend you to read Project Vanity’s Graduation Makeup Tutorial.

Do you have a D-Day this year?


Yoko’s New Summer Look

It is summer now here in the Philippines. Yoko is our dog that was passed down for me to take care when my cousins moved to Canada. I decided to cut her fur because I noticed how her nose is always dripping wet and from what I know, dogs sweat from their noses. Just imagine how hot she feels with all her fur. I, a normal human being, has been sweating a lot this past few weeks. We have no air conditioning to give to her.

Yoko's New Summer Look

It’s not the first time I cut her fur. Except this time I think I believe I became rusty. My attempt was so laughable that I had to cut off all her fur. In the picture above is one of my rough shots of her final look. Though, she looks so much better than the pictured photo.

Yoko Fur Loss

People relax, it’s just fur. I did her no harm. I did not cut her fur out of boredom. Her fur will grow back again. But you know, even if her image changed from a lion into a lamb she still looks adorable. We also noticed some changes in her behavior like she became less cranky and sluggish and she’s more active and happier. Her fur will grow back in no time, ready for the rainy season.